12 years

12 years and he didn't know me at all. How could he not know that I would help him. I've done nothing but help. Hell I did everything. So the first time in 12 years he thinks for himself it's to decide to lie to me for a month and plot defection? My logical brain knows that's not right, he just reached the point I was almost at, but it feels that way.

So I had removed him as a friend on Facebook because I was obsessing, but I went to a mutual friend's wall and realize posts he had put there were gone. He blocked me. Then he texted me tonight to make sure S and I were ok. WTF! Nothing all weekend, and then I get THAT! So I just spilled it all. Told him this was too hard for me because it hurts too much, that I want to talk to him and tell him everything that's going on, how he's home and happy but that's not the case here, his opinion aside, and that unless he needs something specific, to please not text me. I want to be friends, I still love him, even if I was never in love with him the way I wanted to be. So the yo-yo thing is too much. It's bad enough I'm not sleeping and alternating between eating nothing and eating everything in the house. I can't do that too. I'm also hoping his parents don't send their annual b-day and Christmas cards. I don't want to be rude, but knowing they are no longer part of my life truly devastates me.

I'm really swinging between mad and sad and it sucks. I just want to feel normal again, the new normal.